the 12th day of fatherhood

it's been 12 days since the birth of our first son, Nolan Benjamin Chiu. Born August 5, 2008 at 12:28pm. He is such a blessing to care for and to have! we originially had planned Lisa's c-section for wednesday, Aug 6th, but her water broke on monday (aug 4th). As we sat in the maternity triage that monday evening, i remember thinking to myself that i wasnt ready for all of this. Life was so unfair, im not ready, im going to be a horrible dad.

We tried to deliver normally first, but after 16 hours of labor, Nolan just wasnt going to come out. Being with Lisa in the delivery room that evening was pretty neat. it was difficult to watch her in pain, but it was also a pleasure to serve her. i really appreciated the physical difficulties that she had to endure to carry Nolan to full term. I massaged her feet, i fed her water, i did all that i could to make her stay a bit more comfortable. On Tuesday morning, it was decided that Nolan was not making any progress, so we opted for the c-section. that in and of itself was a stressfull decision to make. I thought to myself, will the operation go smoothly? will Nolan be ok? Will Lisa be ok? as i sat outside the operating room with Katia, waiting to go in, i was anxious! was i ready to become a father? I prayed to myself asking for wisdom, courage, and for peace. as we entered the OR, Lisa was on the table, ready to go. once we sat down, it was only within 10 minutes that the doctor told her that she will feel some pressure as the deliver the baby. At which point, Lisa's body started to move from side to side as the doctors worked to extract Nolan from Lisa's womb. All i could hear in the room was the faint murmurs of the doctors talking. then, all of a sudden, a baby's cry broke the room. i couldnt stop the tears of joy that i was shedding. I looked over at my wife, and the both of us wept together at the sound of our newborn son. One of the nurses said, whoa! That's a big baby! look at how big his hands are! There's no way he would have come out naturally! The other doctor said that having the c-section was the right choice.

fast forward 12 days, Nolan is in the crib next to our bed. We wake up every 2+ hours in the evening to feed him. We're tired, but it's all worth it. I could look at him all day and still smile at every little facial expression that he makes. he is the most beautiful thing that i have ever seen. he is my most prized possession. he is further proof to me that our God is an awesome God. The creator of all things good. And surely, this is good.